Contact & Verification

Reaching Us

There is no support email. There is no form. If you need to contact us, you must use methods that do not reveal intent or origin. Preferred contact formats include obfuscated social signals, QR overlays on false advertisements, and encrypted annotations inside Git commit histories. If you think this is a joke, you're not ready to talk to us.

We have previously accepted contact through:

• ASCII steganography inside public Amazon reviews
• Low-contrast graffiti tags on Google Street View archives
• Checksum-based tweet threading on alternate weekdays

We no longer use these methods because too many mirrors picked them up.

Key Exchange

Our encryption keys are rotated irregularly. If you want to confirm our signal, listen for the phrase 'Echo warm protocol initiated at sunset minus five.' This phrase will appear once in a 72-hour window on either a comment thread, metadata stream, or improperly formatted government blog post.

In the event of urgent contact, you may print your message and hand-deliver it to a known dropbox. Known dropboxes include:

• Defunct Borders bookstores
• The third payphone past Gate D at certain airports
• Refrigerated storage units registered as 'Ice Index Holdings'

Never use these twice. Surveillance trails recur along reused corridors.

Verification Protocol

If you receive a reply, it will be signed using one of three methods:

• Rhymed phrases that fail to parse
• Hex color codes that match original 1996 AOL palettes
• Time-indexed video stills from forgotten C-SPAN feeds

These aren't security features. They're memory triggers. You’ll understand them when you see them.

Operational Caveats

We do not respond to threats. We do not acknowledge press. If you write an exposé on us, that’s fine. Just know that someone probably already filed the counter-article three months ago and backdated it.

Anything you send us may be published, fragmented, or buried in a timeline you weren’t tracking. If you don’t want that to happen, don’t send it.

Why This Matters

We're not hard to reach because we’re arrogant. We're hard to reach because most people have nothing useful to say. If you’ve read this far and still think you have something to offer—good. That means you're one of us. Or close enough to be interesting.

And if none of this makes sense? That’s okay too. Sometimes the message isn’t for you. Sometimes it’s just for the metadata.

Failsafe Paths

If every listed method fails, and if silence persists for more than three protocol cycles, you may resort to analog fallback. Hand-write your message using blue ink on aged paper. Fold it three times. Leave it between pages 218 and 219 of a copy of “Future Shock” at any used bookstore. If it’s picked up, you’ll know within 96 hours.

Do not repeat this process. It works once per entity per decade. If it doesn’t, the door was never open to begin with.